“It is fulfilling and makes my life feel more worthwhile”
Jeri signed up to be a Shared Lives carer in October 2017 and began providing respite support in December of the same year. Jeri lives with her son Carl. At the time Jeri was doing office work, however provided short breaks for 7 service users and continued with this.
Jeri then provided longer term support for a young gentleman whom she dropped off at his day centre on her way to work and picked him up to go home at his pick-up time.
Ethan was introduced to Jeri for short breaks. He then moved in with Jeri and Carl in September 2024 following successful short break stays.
What life is like to have Ethan in our home
Ethan becoming part of our lives was a happy and smooth transition. He has fitted in so well and become part of our family like we have known him for years. As a person, Ethan is polite, kind and very well-mannered.
What’s more is how much he has in common with my son Carl, who is two years older. The two started chatting straight away when they met, and realising how much they had in common, they both adapted very well.
Ethan felt at home here, and we also felt the same about him, hence he decided he wanted to make his stay long-term and communicated this to Shared Lives.
Carl and I were very happy for Ethan to become part of our family. Shared Lives thus facilitated his move, and we changed my contract from short breaks to long-term support.
When Ethan moved into long-term stay, he brought with him his guitar and keyboard, among other things, the two musical instruments that Carl also had, and played in high school.
They were very excited comparing the instruments and what each can play, their favourite music, their favourite computer games, places they enjoy visiting, etc. It was as if Carl got the brother he never had.
Introducing Ethan to my wider family
Ethan has become a part of our family, and we are very close. My family has always got together during Christmas. Therefore, at Christmas, we visited my sister’s family in Altrincham, and my brother also joined us from Luton.
Ethan got to meet our entire family, and he got along very well with them. We spent three nights at a Premier Inn, which is close to my sister’s home, joining the rest of the family for breakfast and evening meals. We all had an enjoyable Christmas holiday.
What life is like in Jeri’s Home
For our normal routine, Ethan and Carl take their buses to their workplaces for apprenticeship on weekdays and come home in the evening.
That gives me the chance to do my house chores, shopping, etc. and to prepare supper.
We have supper together and catch up, Carl and Ethan retire to their bedrooms to chat to their friends and go on their computers.
“For me, the most important rule is to treat them with respect and dignity as to how you would like to be treated yourself. That’s crucial. They should be treated like equal members of your family, because they are and they should feel like they are a part of your family.”
On weekends, Ethan and I cook. He has learned to cook well, and he sometimes spoils me by making breakfast on Sundays. He helps to mow the lawn and pressure-wash the drive and our cars on Saturdays.
On occasions, we all go out for dinner. During the warm days, we sometimes enjoy a drink and snacks for lunch in the garden. This is the time we joke and listen to music together, playing our choices in turn.
Ethan has made our home feel warmer, and I could not ask for more.
Things to consider when becoming a Shared Lives Carer
“I love what I do, supporting Ethan doesn’t feel like a job. He easily chats with me, and I offer the same advice I would give to my son. I adopted Carl when he was three and a half years old, and I love him like I gave birth to him.“
“I can genuinely love other people, and I don’t believe I could have loved Carl anymore if I had given birth to him. I extend the same love to Ethan, and it comes naturally.“
“I think I have always been maternal and caring. My nieces and nephews have always felt very comfortable with me and loved spending time in my house when they were growing up, calling me their favourite auntie. Being genuinely kind, caring and accommodating to other people helps to do this job easily without feeling the pressure associated with it.“
“It is something I genuinely enjoy doing. I get a lot of satisfaction in seeing Ethan happy and at ease in our home. Ethan has told me how comfortable he feels, and this is very fulfilling to me.“
Support from the Shared Lives Team:
“The support I get from the Shared Lives team also helps a lot. Shared Lives gives you training so that if you have never worked as a carer before, you know what to expect and understand people with various difficulties. In addition, Shared Lives is always there to offer help and advice whenever I need it.”
“They pay us visits to ensure we are comfortable and everything is going right. That way, there is nothing to be afraid of. As a Shared Lives carer, you know there is always help and continuous communication, so you don’t feel alone or scared of making mistakes.“
What makes a good carer?
To invite someone to live in your home, one would have to be accommodating. It will help if you are genuinely caring and sociable. You should be able to derive satisfaction from making others happy.
You also need to be understanding and non-judgmental. When you support people long term, you end up nurturing them like you do your growing children.
The people we support will come in with different mannerisms and attitudes. Being calm, helpful and not judgmental helps you to gear the person’s behaviour and attitude positively.
Interested in becoming a Shared Lives Carer?
The service received a ‘good’ rating from CQC last year and was rated ‘outstanding’ under the caring category in the glowing report.
If you’re interested in becoming a Shared Lives Carer, please contact Martin McGregor: